The month of June was an odd teaser for the beginning of summer. I don't think we saw a high more than 80 degrees & usually below 75 all month. Well, this past weekend I realized again how hot it gets here close to my job. I believe the high was like 95 degrees. Someone told me it was even 106 in the SFV. I'm missing the South Bay something terrible. I have a strong idea that in the next 6 months I'm gonna move back there or somewhere in between there & my job. Just the transition from the valley to LAX at 5pm was a difference almost 20 degrees. When I can leave my house & the gauge reads 88 degrees and then when i get down the hill just south of Brentwood and it reads 68 degrees... its time to seriously consider moving! I think the experiment is over now. I did what I needed to do at the time & now that I know the area better I can move a little south of my job & still have no worse of a commute.

Wilshire Dist., South Bay, Brentwood... Here I come!

Noticed you from a short distance
A vision of light in a world of mist
Our eyes met in Heavenly bliss
Approached you and took your hand
Softly like the most gentle kiss
So deep in your eyes i got lost
Unfolding my imagination
Curious questions & silly suggestions
Not wanting to take too much of your time
Expressed desire to continue at another time
Exchanged information to make that connection
Stuck in the moment, I smiled as my vision walked away

Composed by Keyan 6/1/2009

For those that thought Michael Jackson invented to Moonwalk! Not to take anything away from the King of Pop... everything he did looked better when he attempted it!!

Its been a while since I shared on here in a while. Sure, I've written a few poems, songs, etc. sparingly over the last year, but no real posts about my thoughts or what's going on with me daily. I really don't have the time at work & haven't decided on a computer for home just yet. Kinda like my last post of these sorts, I'm kind of at a loss for words. I guess because I've been able to put most of my thoughts into a small poem or attempted song, I kind of shied away from expanding much of it into a story. Like before, a lot has happened this year so far... some good, some great and as usual some horrible! One thing for sure is I'm a lot more confident these days & comfortable in my own skin to boot.

Although today I feel a little strange... not just because of today's events, but the events over the last few days. Some are the same old issues, some are similar issues and some, although new, have the same old theme. Either way, I'll keep it moving like I always do. This time, I promise to contribute to this thing more often as I hope to buy a new computer soon.

Heard your heart flutter as I stepped by,
Caught that twinkle in your left eye
With indecision in your right.
Engraved soul stains remain in a moments glance.
The longer I remain you get weaker in your stance.
Momentary euphoria takes hold of ya..... Bask!
Symbiotic exchange now I feel the same,
Engrossed in your essence no way to explain.
Though lost in the moment, I'm now forever changed!

(something i Twittered) by Keyan 6/5/09 @7am

The weak cannot forgive; Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. - Mahatma Gandhi

She said she needed me
Hated that we couldn't be
Had dreams, called out
In her deepest sleep for Key
Told her family & friends
She'd run away & flee
Her current scene for me
What does this mean to me
Although she's like a dream to me
I told her not to wreck her life
And chase a dream for me...
He pays ya way & begs
In hopes that you will stay while I sit at bay
And push your strongest advances away...
While what you see in me is a dream come true ...
Doesn't mean I'm the man for you

composed by Keyan

OK, So my nephew's, Jovante & Derezz came to visit LA for Spring Break & they kicked it with their Uncle Keyan last night. I took them to the mall by my house & they wanted to go to the Apple store... ill let the video speak for its self!! (it was longer but we had to edit it to fit in email)

I think I missed my last chance at love
I let my head get in the way
It's not supposed to be this way
Once again, I get in my own way

She said she was down for me
Would ride to the ends of earth with me
No strings attached no promises made
I should have stayed

I know talk is cheap
I still wrestle with defeat
Conquered by a familiar foe
Known him intimately for a minute or so
Challenged me to a duel to the death
How presumptuous I guess
I stood foolishly pounding my chest

Should have known his tactics
As I've peeped his style kid
33 years in the making
Still no Knowledge of self
Unaware of the cards the man in the mirror dealt

Confidence or ignorant bliss
I started this so I must finish...
All the while she lay quietly unannounced
In the background of my mind
Forgotten just long enough to lose pace (faith)
See while I fight this demon
She also gives chase
But who's favor does she seek him or me
Or better yet
The man I'm supposed to be
Or the one in defeat?

We struggle from dusk till dawn
As I faintly hear a cry out
Couldn't understand the words
Imagine my nerve
It was her, telling me I'm through
Watching you battle you is too tiring
You see I Love the old you and the God in you too
I'm getting lost in all this
Where is my love
So consumed with finding you I lost myself
Or at least the confidence in you

I'm all cried out, my voice has changed
I got a new life in front of me
Cuz the old one left me behind
Tried to stand strongly & walk the earth (line)
I have no more faith in this struggle
This new life that you seek
Seems like the new plan didn't fit the original me
I can be no more than I already am
What i gave was an ocean, to deep for you to seek

I claim defeat.... (As she claimed defeat)


Composed by Keyan 10/30/2009 @12:20am

I want to say I love you
But I'm afraid that I'd be wrong
I want to say I need you
But I'm afraid to lead you on
So many times I wonder
If you're the reason for my song
Or am I just lonely
And you're the only one that's near me

I'd hate to loose what we have
No definition, isn't that sad
I wonder if I'm using you
To fulfill an emptiness inside
Damn, I tried...

Standing here again solo
The silence is so loud, I can't even think
If I do I might fall out or into love again
For this I'm not prepared
I thought I'd make it on my own
Now I doubt what I'm here for

I'd like to think I'd miss you
I'd love to know you miss me more
Sad huh, I'm such an attention whore
Please don't waste time on me
I'm not what you're looking for
Nothing good at least
I think your life could be meant for so much more

No more....

composed by Keyan 3/1/2009 @10:03pm

Hotter than the sun, you are
Deeper than the ocean, your love is
Incredible vision of pure beauty, to me
Spine tingling at your essence, I do
In love with the vision of you, I am
In love with the idea of we, you stay
Controlled by a lifestyle of regret, we are
Meant to be in another lifetime, I pray
Holding onto a faithful dream, we stay
Apart but still in Love in our hearts, I run
Still trying to find ourselves, I doubt
Resting on a perch in a cage, you remain
No longer available or obtainable
As our lifestyles are to blame
Sure I need you, you said you need me just the same
Love no limit nor guaranteed, So
I remain faithful trying to claim God's name


Composed by Keyan 02/18/2009 @10:02pm

The only real enemy to have existed, is an internal one.
- The Road to Suicide pg1 line 1

Wow...

This has been a really hectic & eventful month thus far & its coming to a quick end. I haven't had a moment to rest & got really sick just after my birthday. I've been sick twice this month already, once was my fault & the other was truly unexpected. I have a lot of stuff I gotta get done here soon & not a lot of time to do it in. I'm frustrated and have to do somethings I never thought I would have to do. Unfortunately, I can't continue to play the nice guy roll, I can't always let myself get ran over as too many people mistake kindness for weakness.

I'll keep praying that I'm doing what's best in the Lord's eyes....